Archive for December, 2012

Happy New Year

Monday, December 31st, 2012
Moochie Contemplates the Coming Year

Moochie Contemplates the Coming Year

It’s been two years since this beautiful guy showed up on our doorstep.  Time flies when you’re having fun.

Wishing you and yours a prosperous and healthy 2013!

~ Blonde Gator

In the Spirit of Christmas

Thursday, December 20th, 2012

Today I took Blonde Mom to NuTurf, my local nursery, to purchase an orchid for a Christmas gift.  She quickly found her purchase, and we chatted briefly with the fellow who checked us out about how wonderful it was that the nursery was closing early on Christmas Eve, and staying closed through New Years, so that their employees could spend time with their families.  We talked about what a wonderful thing the employer did, giving them the gift of time with their families during the Holidays.  Then we concluded our transaction.  On the way out, Mom said to me “let me buy you one of those poinsettias”.   So I selected a beautiful pink one, and we walked back to the counter.

Jackson, the man at the counter, looked at us and smiled sadly.  He said “normally I don’t tell people this, but my mother, she is in a coma in the Bahamas, and has been since before Mother’s Day.  So I haven’t had my mother for Mother’s Day, and not for Thanksgiving, and I won’t for Christmas either.”  He looked at Blonde Mom and said “So you can be my mother this year, and as a gift to you I give you this plant.”  Then he looked at me, “you are so lucky to have your mother”.  (Amen!)  The three of us stood there with tears in our eyes.  A most amazing moment which brings home what the true spirit of Christmas is all about.

Poinsettia

On our way home, Mom and I were talking and laughing as I made a joke about something goofy she said….we “get” each other to the point that sometimes we crack ourselves up to absolute silliness.  Which is where we were as we stopped at a big intersection.  A young guy in a truck next to us saw us laughing and smiled and waved.  We waved back.  He then picked up something off the seat next to him, and raised it to to his window to show us.  It was a beautiful carved wooden sign, about 18 x 24 inches, that said “Laugh, Live, Love”.

Thumbs up!!  So then he put his finger up like “wait one” and grabbed another sign, about the same size, that was also beautifully carved.  It had martini glasses and whatnot indicating it was a PARTY sign.  Two thumbs up!!!  We both laughed and waved as the light turned green.  (Did I mention that it is hot today, and we both had our air on, so this whole scenario was done via sign language?).

All of this occurred in a span of about ten minutes.   Ten minutes I’ll remember forever.  Something to think about.  You can find the true spirit of Christmas in the most amazing places.

Wishing you and yours a very Merry Christmas.

~ Blonde Gator

 

Lawyer Jokes (kinda)

Sunday, December 2nd, 2012

From my friend the Wrathful Brunette (*beverage alert*):

IT CAN BE HARD KEEPING A STRAIGHT FACE AS A COURT REPORTER.
These are from a book called Disorder in the American Courts and are things people actually said in court, word for word, taken down and published by court reporters that had the torment of staying calm while the exchanges were taking place:

ATTORNEY:  What was the first thing your husband said to you that morning?
WITNESS:      He said, ‘Where am I, Cathy?’
ATTORNEY:  And why did that upset you?
WITNESS:      My name is Susan!

ATTORNEY:  What gear were you in at the moment of the impact?
WITNESS:      Gucci sweats and Reeboks.

ATTORNEY:  Are you sexually active?
WITNESS:      No, I just lie there.

ATTORNEY:  What is your date of birth?
WITNESS:      July 18th.
ATTORNEY:  What year?
WITNESS:      Every year.

ATTORNEY:   How old is your son, the one living with you?
WITNESS:       Thirty-eight or thirty-five, I can’t remember which.
ATTORNEY:   How long has he lived with you?
WITNESS:       Forty-two years.

ATTORNEY:   This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory at all? WITNESS:      Yes.
ATTORNEY:  And in what ways does it affect your memory?
WITNESS:      I forget..
ATTORNEY:  You forget? Can you give us an example of something you forgot?

ATTORNEY:   Now doctor, isn’t it true that when a person dies in his sleep, he doesn’t know about it until the next morning?
WITNESS:      Did you actually pass the bar exam?

ATTORNEY:  The youngest son, the 20-year-old, how old is he?
WITNESS:      He’s 20, much like your IQ.

ATTORNEY:  Were you present when your picture was taken?
WITNESS:      Are you shitting me?

ATTORNEY:  So the date of conception (of the baby) was August 8th?
WITNESS:      Yes.
ATTORNEY:  And what were you doing at that time?
WITNESS:      Getting laid.

ATTORNEY:  She had three children , right?
WITNESS:      Yes.
ATTORNEY:  How many were boys?
WITNESS:      None.
ATTORNEY: Were there any girls?
WITNESS:      Your Honor, I think I need a different attorney. Can I get a new attorney?

ATTORNEY:  How was your first marriage terminated?
WITNESS:      By death..
ATTORNEY:  And by whose death was it terminated?
WITNESS:      Take a guess.

ATTORNEY:   Can you describe the individual?
WITNESS:      He was about medium height and had a beard.
ATTORNEY:  Was this a male or a female?
WITNESS:      Unless the Circus was in town I’m going with male.

ATTORNEY:   Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a deposition notice which I sent to your attorney?
WITNESS:      No, this is how I dress when I go to work.

ATTORNEY:   Doctor , how many of your autopsies have you performed on dead people?
WITNESS:      All of them. The live ones put up too much of a fight.

ATTORNEY:  ALL your responses MUST be oral, OK? What school did you go to?
WITNESS:      Oral…

ATTORNEY:  Do you recall the time that you examined the body?
WITNESS:      The autopsy started around 8:30 PM

ATTORNEY: And Mr. Denton was dead at the time?
WITNESS:      If not, he was by the time I finished.

ATTORNEY:   Are you qualified to give a urine sample?
WITNESS:      Are you qualified to ask that question?

ATTORNEY:   Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?
WITNESS:      No.
ATTORNEY:  Did you check for blood pressure?
WITNESS:      No.
ATTORNEY:  Did you check for breathing?
WITNESS:      No..
ATTORNEY:  So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy?
WITNESS:      No.
ATTORNEY:  How can you be so sure, Doctor?
WITNESS:      Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.  ATTORNEY:   I see, but could the patient have still been alive, nevertheless?
WITNESS:      Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law… or he could have been a democrat…

~ Blonde Gator