Another Blonde Joke

April 25th, 2015

A blonde gets a job as a physical education teacher for 16 year olds. She notices a boy at the end of the field standing alone, while all the other kids are running around having fun kicking a ball. She takes pity on him and decides to speak to him.

‘You ok?’ she says.

‘Yes.’

‘You can go and play with the other kids you know’ she says.

‘It’s best I stay here.’

‘Why’s that sweetie?’ says the blonde.

The boy looks at her incredulously and says,  ‘Because I’m the goalie!’

~ Blonde Gator w/thanks to Torchy!

Waiting for Deliverance

April 15th, 2015

Or perhaps, deliveries.  (Uber chile pepper shipment is arriving next week).

But first…..

Marco Rubio...Day 1 from the Freedom Tower

Marco Rubio…Day 1 from the Freedom Tower

It is time for new leadership, and a new Standard Bearer!  A younger leader.    And a leader who loves this country the way she deserves to be loved.  A leader who can inspire, the way Ronald Reagan could inspire.

I’m ready.  Are you?

~ Blonde Gator

Handy Reference Guide to Hillary Clinton’s Gaffes & Goofs

April 15th, 2015

Well, the old Handy Reference Guide to Obama’s Gaffes & Goofs list is still making the occasional appearance on the intertubes.  The last time I saw it, it was linked by Tom Blumer, most excellent business blogger, at his BizzyBlog.  Tom is also a Contributing Editor at NewsBusters.

I expressed trepidation (particularly at rehashing Hillz’s “old” gaffes), but Tom convinced me that it must be done…all of it!  And, inasmuch as there’s no time like the present, a mere three days after Her Heinous’s positively historic campaign roll-out (V.4.0), it’s time to get off the dime.  But I digress.  After a bit of discussion, I’ve decided to concentrate on the “Most Historic Campaign for the First Female (insert your own adjectives here) Preezy, Evah”…with a supplemental section for Broomstick One’s Classical Gas Gaffes.

As I said, there’s no time like the present, and after only three days into the most historic campaign, evah, the Gaffes/Goofs are already   ♫Rollin’, Rollin’, Rollin, on the Rivah♫   (okay, I’ll stop w/the music videos) but you must admit, music, and Rum, make the insanity a little easier to take.

OH JACKPOT!  We’re not even into Day 4 of the Most Historic Campaign for a Female Preezy, Evah….and we’ve already racked up Gaffe (or is this a lie?) #5!  (As the gaffes rack up, this gaffe’s position shall certainly change, just seek out “Lies About Grandparents” if you want to know which Lie/Gaffe is the Original #5).  It’s turning into a banner day….

HISTORIC FIRST FEMALE PREEZY EVAH GAFFES/GOOFS:

  1. Always About The Chillun ~ Let’s Kick Them Out of the Park
  2. Astroturfs Her Own Intimate “Meet the Voters One-on-One” Event
  3. Avoids Press Questions by Talking to Herself
  4. Blew Off IT Security Training at State Department
  5. Brings Back the Twang for South Carolina Speech
  6. Can you say “Misprision”?  I Knew You Could.  Misprision Defined
  7. Cites “Ideas from 5 Iowans I Just Met” (who were screened and pre-arranged for this “random” meeting)
  8. Condemns “Scourge of Sexual Assaults”, as THE Former Manager of Bimbo Eruptions.  What is a Bimbo Eruption, You Ask?
  9. Confiscates Cell Phones & Cameras of Iowa Voters during “Meet the Candidate Event
  10. Corrals the Press Corps
  11. Corrals the Press ~ The Prequel
  12. Creepy, Paranoid Rules for “Every Day Americans” to Meet Hillz ~ h/t Bijou
  13. Flips on TPP ~ Was For it 45x Before She Was Against It
  14. Fought 80 Years AGAINST Children & Families ~ h/t Tom Blumer
  15. Friend of the Criminal Class ~ “Stop Mass Incarcerations”
  16. Hillz the Hipater ~ Bombs on Social Media Posting
  17. Hillz the Hipster ~ Stays at 5* Hipstoric Hotel in Davenport, IA ~ h/t rotolab
  18. “It Should be Disqualifying, in Iowa of all States, to Avoid Answering Questions” h/t Cajun2
  19. Keep Those Scummy Reporters AWAY from ME!
  20. Lies About Grandparents’ Immigration History
  21. Locks Students in Classrooms on Her Iowa “Listening Tour”
  22. Lost in Translation
  23. Meet the New {Sincere} Bitch, Same as the Old {Insincere} Bitch (from her very own book!)  Again
  24. Meet the New Bitch, Same as the Old Bitch…Part (um, A LOT!)
  25. Oops….Caught w/Pants on Fire Lying about E-mail Supoena
  26. Say WHAT? ~ Yoko Claims She had an Affair with Hillz ~ h/t Hugh
  27. Stiffs the Working Stiffs at Chipotle on the First Day of her Campaign
  28. Tells the Little People “Go to the End of the Line”
  29. Twelve Words You Sexists Can’t Use about Hillz, Dammit!
  30. What Law?  Scooby Van Parked in a Handicap Spot
  31. What Law? ~ Part Deux  Scooby Van Speeds To Events w/o Lights or Sirens (in Inclement Weather)….Screw the Peons
  32. What Law? ~ Part Troix  Scooby Van Speeds Again ~ h/t succotash
  33. What Law? ~ Part Quatre ~ Scooby Van is STILL Speeding
  34. Who Are You Again?

 CLASSIC HILLZ GAFFES/GOOFS:

  1. Ah Don’t Feeeel in No Ways Tahhred
  2. Dead Broke (Bonus:  Diane is Drunk, Again!)
  3. Dodged Snipper Fire in Bosnia
  4. Duchess of Vulgarity
  5. Favorite Excuse, Evah.  Ditto
  6. Favorite Excuse, Evah. Double Ditto
  7. Freakin’ Tech Wizard at Deleting Suspect E-Mails
  8. Inconvenient Truths & the Lies that Hide Them ~ h/t DeniseVB
  9. The REAL War on Women (and Children)
  10. Threw Mom Under the Bus for Hillz-Fabricated Edmund Hillary Lie
  11. “We’re Going to Take Things Away From You on the Behalf of the Common Good”
  12. What Difference, at THIS Point, Does it Make?

Am I missing any Latest or Greatest Gaffes/Goofs?  No worries, it’s all good.

By all means, please lend me your help and support, by leaving your comment with a Hillary Gaffe/Goof.  And a round of applause for Tom Blumer, who merrily sent me on my way down this rabbit hole of insanity.

Hillary's Server

~ Blonde Gator

 

 

On the Patio, Again

April 6th, 2015

I was recently given a lovely plant, a Neofinetia falcata, by one of my orchid pals, Capt. Joe.  This is a beautiful miniature orchid, from Japan, which will bloom in a year or so, with sprays of spectacular white, sweetly fragrant flowers.  I “potted” it, in a giant tun shell, into which I’d drilled several drain holes.  Neo seems to be thriving in this new environment, in bright light (but no direct sunlight), where I water it every other day.

Neo. falcata

Neo. falcata

Now in bloom, is one of my very favorite “mini-cats”:

Beautiful Catleytonia

Beautiful Cattleytonia

When this little beauty shows her face, I know spring is here in full force.

I have a few more orchids pushing spikes, and then we’re on to the “hot, humid, and RAINY season”.  Where not much happens, bloom-wise, but where the orchids and other patio dwellers put on foliage and size, and thrive in our tropical paradise.

~Blonde Gator

Try Not to Laugh

March 19th, 2015

I’m not sure which one is my favorite, the truck shark, or the very last one.  Either way….enjoy!

Cheers!

~ Blonde Gator

An Oldie But a Goodie

August 9th, 2014

It’s not a blonde joke, but it’s still one of my all time favorites….

American History 101

It was the first day of school and a new student, Suzuki, son of a Japanese businessman, entered the fourth grade class.  The teacher said, “Let’s begin by reviewing some American history.

“Who said,  ‘Give me Liberty or give me Death’ ?”  She saw a sea of blank faces, except for Suzuki’s

“Patrick Henry 1775,” he  said.

“Very  good!  Who said ‘…government of the people, by the people, for the people, shall not perish from the earth’?”

Again, no response, except from Suzuki. “Abraham Lincoln, 1863.”

The teacher snapped, “Class, you  should be ashamed. Suzuki, who is new to our country, knows more about its history than you do.”

She heard a loud whisper, “Screw the Japs.”

“Who said that?” she demanded.

Suzuki raised his hand: “Lee Iacocca, 1982.”

At that point a student said, “I’m  gonna puke.” The teacher glared and asked, “All right!  Who said that?”

Suzuki says, “George Bush to the Japanese Prime Minister, 1991.”

Furious, another student yells, “Oh yeah? Suck this!”

Suzuki jumps up waving his hand and shouts, “Bill Clinton, to Monica Lewinsky,  1997!”

With near mob hysteria, someone screams, “You little s**t. If you say anything else, I’ll kill you.”

Suzuki yells, “Gary Condit to Chandra Levy, 2001.”

At this, the teacher fainted.  The class gathered around her.

One of the kids says, “Oh s**t, we’re in BIG  trouble!”

Suzuki says,  “Arthur Andersen, 2002.”

~ Blonde Gator….dedicated to all my bean counter pals!

mmmm…Cheesecake w/Chocolate Crust

June 15th, 2014

Happy Father’s Day to the Iguana Man.

Chocolate Cheesecake

Chocolate Cheesecake

Recipe is here (at the bottom).

~ Blonde Gator

RIP, Payton

May 15th, 2014

It was a year ago today that you went on your last insane hunting safari…..and leaped like a maniac after that MARINE iguana.  Silly girl!

I miss you every day.  EVERY single day.  Paytie, you were the best cat ever!  Miss you so much.

Payton ~ the Empress....knows clean when she sits on it

Payton ~ the Empress….knows clean when she sits on it

~ Blonde Gator

P.S. Blonde Mom misses you too!  Happy hunting, your Highness!

 

Happy Today, Happy Tamale!

May 10th, 2014

Every once in a while I get the Jones’ for Tamales.  And serindipitously, the banana trees just happened to push some beautiful, new, unblemished (untorn) leaves.   (Click here for the “before” pics)….. So, before the yard guys got here to trim up the bananas, I cut some of them to make my favorite tamale wrappers.

Delicious!

Delicious!

While I love chicken enchiladas, I just don’t think the chicken filling works as well as pork with red chili in the red tamales, so those are my go-to.  I roasted off about a seven pound pork butt, and made two big trays of red enchiladas, as well as about a dozen tamales.

The recipe for roasting the pork for both applications is here.  Making the enchiladas is here.  And the recipe for tamales is here.

Steamed Banana Leaves (rolled up), Steamer Basket w/2 Layers of Tamales, 8 Quart Pot, Ready to Steam

Steamed Banana Leaves (rolled up), Steamer Basket w/2 Layers of Tamales, 8 Quart Pot, Ready to Steam

Bon Appetit!

~ Blonde Gator

P.S.  I found out I could FREEZE the steamed banana leaves, so I will no longer have to wait for a sufficient number of perfect leaves to make tamale wrappers out of.  Woo Hoo!  Merely cut out the center stem, pile atop one another, roll them into a tight cylinder, steam and then wrap them tightly in plastic wrap, then foil, for the freezer.  Voila!

April Blooms

April 23rd, 2014

Well, BFF Island Girl gave me a spectacular birthday gift earlier this month, a gift certificate to my favorite nursery, Nu Turf.  So I splurged on the BIG sizes of thyme and rosemary, augmented my parsley by two plants, and got some dill, oregano, and mint.  And I was so inspired, I bought myself a birthday gift.

Angel Wing Begonia "Dragon"

Angel Wing Begonia, “Dragon”

 

One of my favorite orchids is the Psychopsis papilio (cool name, too), which is very unsual.  I bought it in bloom two years ago, and it has been in bloom ever since.  It only ever has one bloom on the very end of its bloom spike, and after the flower drops, it pushes a new bud through the same bud end, so one should never cut the bloom spike off this plant, until the entire spike dies.  It is an extremely slow growing orchid, and in the two years I’ve had it, it has only produced one new pseudo-bulb (new plant growth), but that, too, has pushed a spike, and this picture is the first bloom on the new spike (you can see the “old” spike to the left of the bloom).  I hope to be able to catch it when both spikes are in bloom, although the new spike is about six inches shorter than the older one (pushing a bud now).

Psychophsis papilio, April 2014

Psychophsis papilio, April 2014

 

Look at the Face on that Flower!

Look at the Face on that Flower!

Also in bloom is one of my Paphiopedilums, Paph. Hilo Jewel #4 x Paph fairrieanum ‘Green Horn’.  I had hoped it would have a double bloom this year, alas not.  This is the picture from last year, as my camera is having hiccups, and I must send it in to have the zoom and focus adjusted *sigh*.  (Second Panasonic Lumix to crap out on me, I love it, but they seem to die after about 2 1/2 years).

Paph. Hilo Jewel #4 x Paph fairrieanum 'Green Horn'

Paph. Hilo Jewel #4 x Paph fairrieanum ‘Green Horn’

Also blooming, now is my Cattleytonia “Why Not”, which I’ve had for at least 20 years, which was given to me by my old friend Dianne, who moved to Cali and whom I miss very much.  I’ve divided this orchid countless times, and given away all of them, this plant makes a great gift.  Alas, the picture I took earlier was out of focus, but I’ll try again in a bit and update this post.  This Why Not is a bloomer, and grows like mad.  A plant I would highly recommend for anyone who wants to start growing orchids, it’s a disease resistant, happy grower.  A Cattleytonia is a cross between a Cattleya (the corsage orchid) and a Broughtonia, which looks like a tiny little Cattleya, but which has multiple red blooms on a spike.  The plant is compact, maybe 8″ tall, as opposed to the regular Catts, which can be well over 2′ tall.

 

Cattleytonia "Why Not"

Cattleytonia “Why Not”

Happy Gardening this spring!

~ Blonde Gator