In the Spirit of Christmas

December 20th, 2012

Today I took Blonde Mom to NuTurf, my local nursery, to purchase an orchid for a Christmas gift.  She quickly found her purchase, and we chatted briefly with the fellow who checked us out about how wonderful it was that the nursery was closing early on Christmas Eve, and staying closed through New Years, so that their employees could spend time with their families.  We talked about what a wonderful thing the employer did, giving them the gift of time with their families during the Holidays.  Then we concluded our transaction.  On the way out, Mom said to me “let me buy you one of those poinsettias”.   So I selected a beautiful pink one, and we walked back to the counter.

Jackson, the man at the counter, looked at us and smiled sadly.  He said “normally I don’t tell people this, but my mother, she is in a coma in the Bahamas, and has been since before Mother’s Day.  So I haven’t had my mother for Mother’s Day, and not for Thanksgiving, and I won’t for Christmas either.”  He looked at Blonde Mom and said “So you can be my mother this year, and as a gift to you I give you this plant.”  Then he looked at me, “you are so lucky to have your mother”.  (Amen!)  The three of us stood there with tears in our eyes.  A most amazing moment which brings home what the true spirit of Christmas is all about.

Poinsettia

On our way home, Mom and I were talking and laughing as I made a joke about something goofy she said….we “get” each other to the point that sometimes we crack ourselves up to absolute silliness.  Which is where we were as we stopped at a big intersection.  A young guy in a truck next to us saw us laughing and smiled and waved.  We waved back.  He then picked up something off the seat next to him, and raised it to to his window to show us.  It was a beautiful carved wooden sign, about 18 x 24 inches, that said “Laugh, Live, Love”.

Thumbs up!!  So then he put his finger up like “wait one” and grabbed another sign, about the same size, that was also beautifully carved.  It had martini glasses and whatnot indicating it was a PARTY sign.  Two thumbs up!!!  We both laughed and waved as the light turned green.  (Did I mention that it is hot today, and we both had our air on, so this whole scenario was done via sign language?).

All of this occurred in a span of about ten minutes.   Ten minutes I’ll remember forever.  Something to think about.  You can find the true spirit of Christmas in the most amazing places.

Wishing you and yours a very Merry Christmas.

~ Blonde Gator

 

Lawyer Jokes (kinda)

December 2nd, 2012

From my friend the Wrathful Brunette (*beverage alert*):

IT CAN BE HARD KEEPING A STRAIGHT FACE AS A COURT REPORTER.
These are from a book called Disorder in the American Courts and are things people actually said in court, word for word, taken down and published by court reporters that had the torment of staying calm while the exchanges were taking place:

ATTORNEY:  What was the first thing your husband said to you that morning?
WITNESS:      He said, ‘Where am I, Cathy?’
ATTORNEY:  And why did that upset you?
WITNESS:      My name is Susan!

ATTORNEY:  What gear were you in at the moment of the impact?
WITNESS:      Gucci sweats and Reeboks.

ATTORNEY:  Are you sexually active?
WITNESS:      No, I just lie there.

ATTORNEY:  What is your date of birth?
WITNESS:      July 18th.
ATTORNEY:  What year?
WITNESS:      Every year.

ATTORNEY:   How old is your son, the one living with you?
WITNESS:       Thirty-eight or thirty-five, I can’t remember which.
ATTORNEY:   How long has he lived with you?
WITNESS:       Forty-two years.

ATTORNEY:   This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory at all? WITNESS:      Yes.
ATTORNEY:  And in what ways does it affect your memory?
WITNESS:      I forget..
ATTORNEY:  You forget? Can you give us an example of something you forgot?

ATTORNEY:   Now doctor, isn’t it true that when a person dies in his sleep, he doesn’t know about it until the next morning?
WITNESS:      Did you actually pass the bar exam?

ATTORNEY:  The youngest son, the 20-year-old, how old is he?
WITNESS:      He’s 20, much like your IQ.

ATTORNEY:  Were you present when your picture was taken?
WITNESS:      Are you shitting me?

ATTORNEY:  So the date of conception (of the baby) was August 8th?
WITNESS:      Yes.
ATTORNEY:  And what were you doing at that time?
WITNESS:      Getting laid.

ATTORNEY:  She had three children , right?
WITNESS:      Yes.
ATTORNEY:  How many were boys?
WITNESS:      None.
ATTORNEY: Were there any girls?
WITNESS:      Your Honor, I think I need a different attorney. Can I get a new attorney?

ATTORNEY:  How was your first marriage terminated?
WITNESS:      By death..
ATTORNEY:  And by whose death was it terminated?
WITNESS:      Take a guess.

ATTORNEY:   Can you describe the individual?
WITNESS:      He was about medium height and had a beard.
ATTORNEY:  Was this a male or a female?
WITNESS:      Unless the Circus was in town I’m going with male.

ATTORNEY:   Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a deposition notice which I sent to your attorney?
WITNESS:      No, this is how I dress when I go to work.

ATTORNEY:   Doctor , how many of your autopsies have you performed on dead people?
WITNESS:      All of them. The live ones put up too much of a fight.

ATTORNEY:  ALL your responses MUST be oral, OK? What school did you go to?
WITNESS:      Oral…

ATTORNEY:  Do you recall the time that you examined the body?
WITNESS:      The autopsy started around 8:30 PM

ATTORNEY: And Mr. Denton was dead at the time?
WITNESS:      If not, he was by the time I finished.

ATTORNEY:   Are you qualified to give a urine sample?
WITNESS:      Are you qualified to ask that question?

ATTORNEY:   Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?
WITNESS:      No.
ATTORNEY:  Did you check for blood pressure?
WITNESS:      No.
ATTORNEY:  Did you check for breathing?
WITNESS:      No..
ATTORNEY:  So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy?
WITNESS:      No.
ATTORNEY:  How can you be so sure, Doctor?
WITNESS:      Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.  ATTORNEY:   I see, but could the patient have still been alive, nevertheless?
WITNESS:      Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law… or he could have been a democrat…

~ Blonde Gator

34 – 21 – 2

November 26th, 2012

And the Gators took back the State Saturday.  The victory was sweet, coming as it did on Ron Zook Field in Tallahassee.  The first (of many) for Coach Boom:

Will Muschamp does the Gator Chomp at Game’s End

Matt Elam’s Snow Angel Celebration

Needless to say, the fans at Clown School were none too pleased.  And in case there are any non-Gators reading…..here’s why we call them Clown College:

Does she NOT have any friends?

Finally….the officiating.  “Sucked” doesn’t begin to cover it.  I can’t really think of a word that captures such a shocking display.  So, for the ACC and their notoriously inept officials…..OVERCOME ADVERSITY ON THE FIELD!

Hey ACC and Your Crooked Refs, Too!

GO GATORS!!!!!!!!

~ Blonde Gator

Bonus:  An EXCELLENT review of the game.  Plus….the icing on the cake ~ highlights of the 2012 season, up to an including our victory over FSU:

So Solly, Steve Spurrier (Not!)

October 21st, 2012

Well, yesterday started out in grand fashion with ESPN’s Game Day in Gainesville.  For once, Lee Corso put on the correct mascot head.  And then he pulled out a little Gator, dressed in orange and blue.  Herbstreit almost had a heart attack when he figured out it was NOT a rubber gator, it was real!  (The juvenile white gator is leucistic animal, not an albino…I’ve seen one at the Houston Zoo).  In any case, it was very cool!

Lee Corso Picks The Gators, Scaring Kirk to Death in the Process

The Gators proceeded to play one of the most bizarre first halves of ball I’ve ever seen….21 points on takeaways, while gaining only 29 yards during the half.  And the officiating!!!!   Suffice it to say that I’m not the only one who thought “SUCKED” is a mild term for the officiating.  Here’s Coach Boom at the half-time interview (with a friendly reporter):

That’s going to be a t-shirt, for sure, and a Will Muschamp signature.  Forever.

The team played lights out during the 3rd quarter, and by the end of the game, had once again put up more points in the second half (23) than they had during the first half (21).  44 – 11, good guys.  Sorry Steve, you got owned.

Video highlights of the game, here.

It’s 24 hours after kick-off, and I’m still amped up by the game, and this season.  It’s been a hell of a ride.  And next Saturday, well….

Please, someone, give me a “JORTS” comment

Love it…..we are already in the Leg Humpers’ heads (check out the comments).

GO GATORS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

~ Blonde Gator

(photo 1 from the Gainesville Sun)

Woo Hoo! We Did It (The Big 200)

October 19th, 2012

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

200 verified and linked Obama Gaffes.  Check out my Handy Reference Guide to Obama’s Gaffes and Goofs, which I started in July 2011 as a result of a random comment someone made on NewsBusters.

We all knew Obama had made sooooo many gaffes (most of which were mentioned only in conservative media and were never heard of again in the MsM), but after doing some searches around the intertubes, I found there was not one big, comprehensive list.  So….I started one.  And it grew.   And I got e-mails, private messages, comments, and posts on blogs with suggestions.   And it grew again and again….spreading to the point that I even got ripped off!

So to everyone who helped with suggestions and links, and to those who supported and jollied me through the little plagiarist episode, my sincerest thanks and gratitude.  I gave h/t’s for some of the gaffes/links, and if I missed you, I am sincerely sorry.  Some days I received “did you get THIS?” from several of my internet pals, and some days I received a boatload of suggestions (like yesterday at MOTUS, so a huge shout out to the FOM’s!), and some days I was just blonde and screwed it up.

Shall we start a pool on the official gaffe number at 12:01 a.m. ET on Election Day?

Cheers!

~ Blonde Gator

BONUS:  As I was looking for a celebratory visual, I found this…..which to me, is a fabulous metaphor for Obama’s Hope & Change…..in fact his whole record.  Such great expectations…..and such an epic FAIL.

6 – 0

October 16th, 2012

Great Gator Turnout in Nashville

We boogied on home from Black Mountain in time to ensure we arrived before Saturday’s Gator game against Vandy.  My Gators put together another underwhelming (per usual against Vandy) but workmanlike performance.  And now, our record is 6 – 0 (5-0 SEC), and ranked #2/#3 in the polls.

AND…..facing the Old Ball Coach and his SC Gamecocks on Saturday, fortunately for us, in The Swamp.  We Gators still love Steve Spurrier, except for one week a year…he’s a fierce opponent.

GO GATORS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

~ Blonde Gator

(photo from the Gainesville Sun)

 

Chilly in the Clouds

October 9th, 2012

Misty Mountain Morning ~ Black Mountain, North Carolina

~ Blonde Gator

14 – 6

October 7th, 2012

All is well in Gator Nation (photos from the G-Ville Sun).

Matt Elam Intercepts a Pass

Mike Gillislee on his way to the EndZone

GO GATORS!!!!!!!!!!

~ Blonde Gator

Sorry, I Can’t Help Myself

September 22nd, 2012

From the UK Daily Mail:

~ Blonde Gator

GR8 G8R Years In A Row!!!!

September 15th, 2012

‘Nuff said.  Oh WAIT….”Fear the Orange Pants”.   ROTFLMAO!

~ Blonde Gator

P.S.  In the third view (20 seconds in)….be sure to watch the STANDS…..oops, empty again with 6:00 minutes left.